The Trinity of Vanity
by Ivette Boveda
Summary: Here is are a some unrelated scenes, where Cat from Red Dwarf is the personality of the Andromeda's AI, with results that prove this fact: You can trust Cat to Cat. Four NEW mini-scenes now up, plus major glitch has been fixed.
1. The Trinity of Vanity

Dylan(on com): Cat! I need you at Command  
  
Avatar Cat(looking at mirror):Coming  
  
2 hours later  
  
Dylan(to holo-cat on Bridge): What is he doing?  
  
Holo-Cat: Probably trying to improve what can't be improved, his wonderful looks.  
  
Dylan: hmmmph  
  
2 hours after that  
  
Dylan: Cat! Sometime today would be good. Stop your grooming and come to command!  
  
Avatar Cat(on comm): What if we run into hot women? I'm not gonna let myself be seen with less than perfect looks just because Cpt. Let's- help- everybody urges me to. Besides, I gotta apply my hair gel.  
  
Holo-cat: He has a point Captain. Keeping up our fantastic good looks takes time and effort. It takes me at least 5 hours to pixilate the right hairstyle and uniform.  
  
Ship Cat: It takes me about 8 hours to choose my uniform and hair each day. So many possiblities so little time.  
  
Harper: No wonder sensors can never detect hostile ships until they shoot at us.  
  
Ship Cat: Hey! just cause I'm a warship that doesn't mean I'm gonna neglect myself! I'm worth it! Speaking of looks, know what really annoys me?  
  
Holo-Cat: What?  
  
Ship Cat: What I hate is that you and Avatar Cat have great asses, while I don't have one  
  
Holo-Cat: but your hair and complexion are perfect!  
  
Beka: We're about to go into battle and all you can talk about is each other's looks and asses?  
  
Holo-Cat: You're just jealous that your ass don't look as good as mine! 


	2. Vanity vs Duty

Holo-Cat and Dylan on bridge alone, )  
  
(Avatar cat comes into bridge)  
  
Avatar Cat: Captain, the ship won't accept my code in the storage locker where my hairstyling supplies are and Beka won't let me use hers. You couldn't possibly need since you always use the same old hairstyle day in and day out!  
  
Dylan(to holo-cat) give us a minute.  
  
Holo-Cat(to Dylan): Alright.(to avatar cat): Boy are you gonna get it!*disappears*  
  
Dylan: Well, maybe it has to do with the fact that every time you use your "equipment" there is less power on this ship and we get outages. Furthermore, I feel that your need to spend less time with your looks on more time with your duties.  
  
Avatar Cat: But its my stuff! I marked it!  
  
Dylan: Everything on this ship belongs to me, Period!  
  
Avatar Cat: Hey! if I mark it, it's mine.  
  
Dylan: No it isn't.  
  
Avatar Cat: When can I get my stuff back?  
  
Dylan: Whenever your contributions to this ship consist of more than causing outages and delays.  
  
Avatar Cat: I contribute a lot more than that!  
  
Dylan: Oh?What?  
  
Avatar: My beautiful ass!  
  
Dylan: That's not good enough! 


	3. Four random mini-scenes

Here are some more scenes of Cat as the Drom's AI  
  
1.  
  
Avatar Cat: How do you do it?  
  
Dylan: Do what?  
  
Avatar: Wear that awful Michael Jackson dancing suit in public.  
  
Dylan: Why do you ask?  
  
Avatar Cat: It looks awful!  
  
2.  
  
Beka: Cat! Where's my hair spray?  
  
Ship Cat: My avatar got it.  
  
Beka: Why?  
  
Ship Cat: He wants to look good for Gabriella.  
  
Beka: Why can't he get his own damn spray?  
  
Ship Cat: He ran out. Speaking of hair, I need to go fix my hairstyle.  
  
3. Dylan: I don't trust Gabriella  
  
Avatar Cat: But she wants to help, besides, she has good taste. She's different...  
  
Dylan: In other words, she puts up with your vanity. Fine she can stay, but don't let her out of your site.  
  
Avatar Cat: Okay buddy!  
  
3.(in an apartment)  
  
Informant: I don't know if I wanna sqeal about my government  
  
Avatar Cat: Look, Buddy, I spent time and money buying clothes for this mission, and you're going with me! No seconds thoughts  
  
Informant: Oh no! the guards are at the door!  
  
(They jump from building using AG harnesses)  
  
Informant: AG harness?  
  
Avatar Cat: Yep, but alot of good it did me! My hair still got all mussed up! Give me a minute to comb it. 


End file.
